5 Tips for Dating as a Woman with Sickle Cell Disease
Photo by Pelin Şan
“Do not expect to receive the love from someone else you do not give yourself”
bell hooks, All about Love
Dating in today’s society is hard. Chronic illness, like sickle cell disease, can make navigating the dating scene even more challenging. Sexism, ableism, racism, colourism, ageism, and fatphobia all shape the politics of desirability. All of this can make for painful dating experiences, especially for women with sickle cell disease.
To re-frame my dating experiences, I have been re-centering on self-love. Here are five tips I’d like to share for dating as a woman with sickle cell disease.
1. Know that you are worthy of love
Just because you are not in a relationship right now, does not mean that you will never be in one. Remember all of the other things that you are doing in life, including managing your health. You are the longest friend that you will ever have - use the time that you have while you are single to get to know your interests and hobbies. Go on solo dates and do things that bring you joy!
2. Share your dating journey with trusted people
Modern-day dating can be isolating - especially online dating! To disrupt isolation, open up to trusted people in your life about your dating experiences. Ask your friends about their experiences and tell your friends about your dates. Opening up about your struggles in dating can be cathartic!
3. Be open to meeting people
Sometimes, we need a break from dating, which is fine! However, don’t completely close yourself off to potential connections. Stay open to meeting new people, whether that be smiling at someone you made eye contact with in the grocery store or striking up a conversation with somebody that you meet in a coffee store.
4. Take things slow and have fun
You do not have to share everything about yourself right away when you are getting to know someone new. Don’t ever feel pressured to do anything that you don’t want to do – consent is a non-negotiable! It is okay if things do not work out – dating is supposed to be fun and enjoyable.
5. Reciprocal relationships are key
Give out the energy that you get back. You don’t have to be the one who is always texting, calling, checking in, and reaching out (and in our society, this type work is gendered as women and femmes are always unfairly expected to do this emotional labour). Share with the person who you are dating how they can be there for you, including how to support you in managing your health. For example, the person you are dating can be there for you emotionally, distract you during a pain crisis, and even attend medical appointments with you.
Remember: Your safety and comfort are always number one.
Consider meeting new people in a public space and sharing your location with friends and family.
Women with sickle cell disease deserve healthy and loving relationships. Above all, your wellness matters. These tips for dating as a woman with sickle cell disease come from my lived experiences - what are yours?
About the Author
Bethany Morris (She/Her) is a young woman who enjoys advocating, learning, and reading about how to make life for Sickle Cell patients more manageable. She currently has her ECE, BA in Sociology and working towards pursing higher education. In her free time, she enjoys reading, listening to music, and implementing self care practices into her life to ease the stress of managing chronic pain. She also enjoys writing and making posts to share with others on how to live life more easily with Sickle Cell. You can check out her tumblr and IG page.
Related Articles
